Marla Miller 0:35

Welcome back to Open Minded Healing. My guest today, Leanne Siergold, will be sharing how childhood trauma can hide in your energy field, making it more difficult to clear with traditional therapy alone. Leanne's navigation through her own repressed trauma and stroke recovery, plus her expertise in quantum healing and energetic work, allow her to help other women release the emotional layers that have kept them stuck. Welcome, Leanne.

Leanne Sheargold 1:06

Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here with you.

Marla Miller 1:10

We're excited to have you on the show and to be able to share with listeners how they can address these traumas that they hold on to and don't quite know how to release. So I'm very curious to hear your take on all of this. And before we get into what quantum healing is or energetic healing, I'm interested in your personal background and what brought you to this point of wanting to help other women doing what you do. So do you want to start with your own personal story of what you were dealing with and then how you navigated it and learned all these things?

Leanne Sheargold 1:51

Yeah. So when I was 28, I had a stroke and I had three sons. So they were all under the age of five. So basically, in a split second, when the blood vessel burst in my brain, I turned into like an 80-year-old woman or older. I couldn't care for myself, couldn't dress myself, couldn't brush my teeth, couldn't hold a pen. I could walk, but very, very slowly and unstable, like it was more like a shuffle. I still had my speech, except for I would mix up similar words, so like pen, pencil, apple, orange, that sort of thing. So it took me a full year to recover from that. And at the time, they blamed the pill. So I went off the pill, but I then had, like a year later, I had a smaller little TIA, they call it. And then I recovered from that. And that was sort of at the start of my spiritual journey, I would say. The professor that was looking after me wanted me to start meditation to help calm my body and calm my stress. And so I joined a group of ladies that were spiritual and I'd go there once a week to their place and do meditation. But then life happened, and you know, with five kids, it took me like a full year to recover. And then I got a teaching position, moved to the middle of Australia. And then when I was 52, I came home from work and my husband had asked me some questions. And so it just opened up an avalanche of childhood sexual abuse memories. And yeah, so that was just so chaotic. I just lost who I thought my family was and what I grew up in was a lie.

Marla Miller 3:31

Let's pause for a minute. Well, first of all, I can't imagine having a stroke at that young of an age with all of those children that are so young at home. I give you a lot of credit for getting through that year when you were trying to recover on top of being like a real full-time mom. Yes. And then what is it exactly that your husband brought up that sort of opened the door to these repressed memories?

Leanne Sheargold 3:59

I came home from work that day and my phone was playing up. So he thought he'd be helpful and nice and charge my old phone. But then he decided to go through my phone and read all the text messages, just absolutely everything that was in my phone. And look, I didn't have any secrets. I was angry, that felt like an invasion of privacy. But he then started questioning me about all these different things. You know, like when you've got girls' group and you muck around and you say things to each other, and it's all just like banter and it's all in fun. But he was taking it as being serious. And I think that argument went on for hours. He'd never been physical with me at all, but he was physical that time. And he took my phone off me a couple of hours later because I just pretended that I was fine, that I'd forgiven him and all was good, but I wasn't. But I knew that I had to get my phone to ring my son, who's in his 30s, for him to come to get me so I could leave and get out of the situation. So I did that. And James came, my son, and got me, and I went to his house. But it's like it unlocked all the memories. And the memory, they started off slowly. Like I might have had maybe one memory a week. But because I was in denial, the memory was in my brain on repeat, like a movie reel, just playing over and over. But my physical body was like, no way, was it going to go there and accept it? And even my emotions were saying no. So this is really where the energetic healing came in, because I was very big into meditating twice a day, speaking with my body, knowing what was going on. So when all this chaos, and it was like my brain was saying one thing, my body was saying something else, my emotions were saying something else. And I just felt like I was adrift out on the ocean.

Marla Miller 5:50

So your son that was 30, so this is years into your marriage after the stroke.

Leanne Sheargold 5:55

Yeah, yes. So at 52, I'd been married for 33 years, and I'd known my husband for 38 years. So we'd been together a long time. And I think throughout once I left my husband, I was able to look back and see he was controlling, but I just didn't notice it. It's like it happened so slowly that I was oblivious to it. Like I said, it was only when I left and could look back and reflect, because I had lots of questions about why or how did all this happen, I then could see how he was controlling. But it's like when these memories came, he was just like a thousand percent a different person. He was wanting every memory that I had, he wanted to know within hours what the memory was, what happened, you know, all the details. And I was saying to him, look, I can't verbalize what happened. I don't even want to admit, I can't tell you. But then he saw that as me keeping a secret or me lying or me not wanting to tell him on purpose. So he couldn't understand. And I went to various counseling people, but my trauma between my marriage, the domestic violence in my marriage and the sexual abuse, I triggered them. So I think I tried about five different therapists before I found someone who was the right fit. But all of those, and at different times, Glenn would come with me, or he would ring someone to get help for me, and they would all say to him, You need to stop questioning her. You need to stop wanting answers and wanting to know you're causing more damage. But he would just say to me, I don't care what they say. I want to know what your memory is. I want you to tell me the truth. I want you to tell me what happened.

Marla Miller 7:43

Yeah, that's yeah, that's the last place where you feel safe enough to share a traumatic experience, is when someone's interrogating you.

Leanne Sheargold 7:53

And the interrogation would go on for hours.

Marla Miller 7:56

So you're saying your husband, when he read through your messages on your phone, he became physical, and this was something new that triggered him into being physical with you, or he had done that in the marriage prior.

Leanne Sheargold 8:12

So he had been verbally and mentally abusive for at least 20 years, but never had been physical. But I justified that because I said to myself, Well, he didn't hit me, he didn't punch me, he just pinned me against the wall. I couldn't escape, or he would try to drag me out of the house into the night. But in my mind, I was like, Yeah, but he didn't hit me. He just would block me or stop me from going places, or you know, like he'd have his hands up around either side of me against the wall and his face like yelling in my face. Or if I tried to hit his arm down to go, he would just then go onto my shoulders. So yeah, it was very, very frightening, but then I was justifying it as well, he didn't actually hit me or punch me. So it wasn't domestic violence.

Marla Miller 9:02

I know it's interesting how the bar gets lower and lower, you know, as you try and make excuses for someone's behavior like that. I mean, I think that's common, and I think it's a survival mechanism too, you know, when you're in a marriage, you're living with that person, and so much is attached to that person, your children and everything, your finances, all of it. Yeah. So you I do find it interesting and true what you said about, you know, your mind will always try and tell you stories or you know, analyze something, but your body always knows you can't hide something from your body. Your body will feel something. Whether you choose to ignore it is a different story. But yeah, it's usually setting off alarm bells of some kind. Well, this conversation with your husband at the time, it started to then release memories you're saying from your childhood. And what was the first thing that came to you? Like you said, it doesn't all become super clear and you don't know how to process it right away. But what was the very first thing? Did you ever have dreams about things, or did it just come as a feeling? You started to get suspicions.

Leanne Sheargold 10:28

So in the morning, say I'd I would wake up and I'd go to the bathroom, I'd go back to bed. And then as I was starting to fall asleep, that's when a memory would come in. And like my body would know straight away. It was like ding, and then my mind is like, no, no, no, no, push that away, push that away. That's a that was just a dream. So I had that sort of space, is where it first started, is where I was half asleep. Or I'd be getting into bed to go to sleep, and then I would jump awake because I'd have like this memory. I remember one time when I went to bed to go to sleep, I felt like somebody's hand pushed down on the side of the bed and it was coming towards my personal parts. And so I screamed and jumped up out of the bed, and I couldn't even sleep the rest of the night. Like I swapped sides with my husband because I was too petrified to go back to sleep. So it started in that waking dream sort of state where I was trying to push it away, but then it became more like I would be triggered by a memory. I might see a particular image. So it was my dad and my brother that were abusing me. And so I would see an image of my father, and I would have this whole body repulsion and feel nausea and feel sick. And I'm like, oh, why am I responding like that? It's quite strange how little everyday things can just bring a memory up. I remember another time a bit further down, maybe about six months into it, my son and his wife had a new baby. And as Josh passed me, little Evie, I looked at my son's hands, and his hands were my father's hands. And I just I couldn't take the baby. I went dead white, and I just I had to run. I left, and my son is like, Mom, what's going on? And I'm like, I cannot tell my son, oh my God, you've got my pedophile father's hands who abused me. So that was really hard. And so it was like that. Everyday things would just trigger a new memory. But then I also started disassociating as well. So I would go back into my inner child at that age. Because I remember one time I came home, I had groceries, I went to put them up onto the bench. And as I put them up onto the bench, it was like my whole body slowed down and I was back to being an eight-year-old. And I was seeing the trauma happening and feeling it. It was like a whole body experience. But I couldn't get out of that. It was like I was stuck in that memory, like my eight-year-old was in charge. And it probably lasted maybe for about a minute. And I could hear my husband speaking to me or calling my name, but I was still I was stuck there. And then after a minute, I think he put his hand on my shoulder to say, Leanne, what are you doing? And that then brought me back out of it. So that sort of disassociation increased with the amount of trauma and memories that were coming up, how severe they were. Um, I would often disassociate. But I remember another time with Glenn, we were arguing, he was asking questions, and it had gone on for hours. And then I just, it was winter, but I was in like summer clothes because our air cooler was so hot in our house. And I straight away I went back into being, I was eight years old, and I left the house. And in my brain, I was saying to go to James's house. It's my son, he lived maybe about five kilometers away. So I started walking in winter with no wallet, no keys, no phone, just me in my summer shorts and t-shirt, barefoot, walking the streets. And it was like myself at that age was fully in control. Whereas previously, when I disassociated back, my adult self could talk to the younger self. But this time, I think I was probably walking for about 20 minutes, and then I came to a part in the road where there was a railway crossing and there was no lights. There's no street lights, it was complete darkness. And that's when she stopped because she was too scared to walk into the park without the lights. And that's when my adult self could then come back in. And I'm like, Leanne, what are you doing? You're a grown woman. If you want to go to James, because I kept thinking to be safe, I have to go to James's place. But I'm like, you can drive. Like you could have got the car keys and driven to James's place. And so then I was able to then turn around and walk back into the house. And when I went back in, I just, I don't know, I didn't go to James's houses. I actually just went and had a shower to warm up and then I went to bed. So it was really this disassociation, it became more frequently and it was longer. And my adult version couldn't break through. It was like that child at that age was fully in control.

Marla Miller 15:30

That is so interesting. Where you literally sort of become that child. And like you said, where the adult version of yourself can't break through to that child. That's very fascinating. So you're finding this is happening more and more. And are you at that point just feeling the fear and still not seeing the memories? Or are these memories coming back to you in those moments when you regress to the child?

Leanne Sheargold 16:01

Yes. When I regress back to that child, I relive the whole memory. So from beginning to end, I feel everything that's happening in my body, I feel all the emotions, I hear all the words, I hear the people talking and their tone. Like I relive the whole thing from beginning to end. So that would leave me very just hyper-vigilant, like in fight-flight mode. But also, it's like I'd gone beyond that, where I had shut down. My body had shut down to cope. It couldn't take anything more. So yeah, my whole body would go numb. My brain just wouldn't function. It was like I was a zombie in this human body, because I just could not take anything more than what I'd just been through. And I'd have to go to bed and sleep. Um, that would be my comfort zone in the bed with the blankets over me, you know, preferably even over my head. So I felt safe like in a cocoon. And then I'd sleep for a few hours.

Marla Miller 17:03

Yeah, I can imagine that would be exhausting. All that mental anguish, so your safe space felt like it was in the bed under the covers, or with that particular son, James. Yeah.

Leanne Sheargold 17:16

Yes. I think, you know, at the time, James was the only one that lived close by. My other sons, one lived in Sydney and one lived in Broken Hill. So they were at least a couple of days' drive away. So that's why James was the safe space as well, or his house. And you know, he had made it quite clear to me that I was welcome there anytime, that I could just go there and go to bed if I want, or I could just go there and like most of the time, I was just really in a state where my body was moving, but I really was oblivious to what was going on around me. So often I would go there and I would watch my grandkids play. Whereas that was unusual for both of us, because usually I'd be playing with them. But it was like just to be in the house where I could just sit and breathe and watching them play was what I needed at the time. And his wife, Laura, and James, both knew if I came over and I was in that state, just to, you know, it was like I had my corner and I'd go and sit in there and just watch the kids playing or whatever was happening in their house while I could sort of try to calm myself down.

Marla Miller 18:25

Yeah. So did your son understand what was happening? Did he know about this abuse from your childhood at that time?

Leanne Sheargold 18:34

Yeah, all of my sons, I did tell them maybe about a month after it started, because I was still in denial. But after that, I did tell them because they all had a lot to do with my parents. So yes, I told them what was going on. I was concerned about my grandkids also being around my parents. So yes, they did know. They didn't know a lot. I mean, they still don't know, but they knew enough that my dad, my brother, had, you know, assaulted me and that I had cut my parents off by then. And so they then also made that decision to cut my parents off. I know for all of us, I was extremely close to my mum. I would speak with her every day, and they were very close. So it was a big loss on everyone's part to really cut my mum out. But I knew I couldn't have a relationship with her and not want to speak to my dad. And by that time, I had an inkling that my mum knew that she had seen a couple of things when I was around five. So I just I just couldn't cope with that either. So um, yeah.

Marla Miller 19:46

That's very tough. So before that point, before the realizations, you started having you said you would talk to your mom every day. And so did you have a relationship with your dad, but it just wasn't good, and you didn't quite understand why, or how was that relationship as you grew into adulthood?

Leanne Sheargold 20:08

Yeah. Look, I I had a relationship with my dad. I knew he was there, but I rarely would I speak to him on the phone because always, you know, mum would answer the phone and we would talk and whatever else. My dad wasn't very big on getting on the telephone and speaking, so maybe once every two months I would speak to him on the phone, but it would just be very generic. It wouldn't be anything much at all. Because I lived so far away, my mum would actually come and see us every couple of months. But my dad, maybe once a year, is all I saw him. And I always felt like in my stomach, I always had this nausea, and my stomach would be swirling and I'd feel like I'd be sweating and feeling uncomfortable. And I could never understand why I felt that way around him. Look, my dad was very old-fashioned male, I suppose. He was very opinionated, and his opinion was always correct, and everybody else was wrong. What he said went. That was the law, sort of thing. And even to stand up to my dad and speak up was something I couldn't do because I was raised to, you know, you respect your elders. And as I grew older and separated from myself, and I had my own opinions, which was very different to his. I didn't want to ask his permission or what he thought because I knew where he was at. He was very rigid. Even when these memories first came up, and I mentioned something to my mum, my dad just said, Oh, it was kids being kids. And I'm like, Well, hell no, that's not kids being kids. Um, but my mum sided with him, and they both just went on with, oh, it was kids being kids, and you're just making it worse, or you're just making it up, or you're blowing things out of proportion.

Marla Miller 21:57

Do you mean you when you first brought up memories, not of him, but of your brother?

Leanne Sheargold 22:02

Yeah, yeah.

Marla Miller 22:03

They would say kids being kids. Yeah, yeah.

Leanne Sheargold 22:06

Because my very first memory was with my brother, where I had wet the bed, and I frequently wet the bed, and I was petrified of the dark. And so this particular night, I don't know why, but this particular night, my mum put me in my brother's bed. He had like a double bed. Whereas normally that didn't happen. Yeah. The thing with that though was I got to a particular point and then it was a black wall. I couldn't remember anything past that point where he touched me while. I was in the bed and then I couldn't remember anything. And then it was only maybe about a year later when I was doing EMDR and we went into that memory that all of it, all of it came out. And yeah. Which was pretty terrific and horrible.

Marla Miller 22:51

And yeah. So at that point you thought it was just your brother. And then eventually the other memories came forward. So how did your mom respond to you when you came forward with this and said, I need to cut you both out of my life? How did she respond to that?

Leanne Sheargold 23:10

Yeah, she just really started with my dad. Look, my dad really ruled the house. Whatever he said, she went with. In my opinion, she was too scared to stand up to him. Yeah. Um, so yeah, when he said it was kids being kids, she went with that as well. Or that's what she said to me. And then when she said that to me, it was too hard for me to have a conversation with her because that was her opinion and she was going to stick with it. You know, could like as I learned years later when I was going to a counselor, they're like, Yeah, Leanne, imagine if your mom had said, Oh, yes, I saw that happen. She would then have to change her life drastically. It would have big consequences for her. She would have to leave my dad and maybe care more about me than she did about a marriage. Or, you know, she continued, even when I said this stuff about my brother, both my mum and dad continued having a relationship with my brother. I felt like I was the one that had done the wrong thing because the relationship with me was strained. But I just couldn't believe that they trusted my brother. They continue with my brother. My brother had two daughters or has two daughters. I was concerned about them. And I brought that up with my mum. I said, Don't you ever worry about his daughters? And she just, oh my God, she shut that down so quick. It was really hard on me to have that conversation with my mom. And for her to just shut it down and not want to go there, it was easier for me for my own well-being. I just couldn't have those conversations with her anymore.

Marla Miller 24:45

Um, I can understand that when you get shut down like that. She could have had had a lot of different responses, but to just ignore it completely or say that you know you're making something up or trivializing trauma. Yeah, that's gotta be difficult, especially from your mother. That is really a shame. But I'm glad you have sons, it sounds like that are very supportive of you. And then they took your lead and kept your parents out of your inner circle, I think is a good thing.

Leanne Sheargold 25:21

Yeah, I think they've all cut my parents out, which is hard. But well, mainly my mom, cutting my mom out because she was so involved in their lives and the grandkids or the great grandkids and that sort of thing as well. So yeah.

Marla Miller 25:36

Yeah, she must have a lot of fear of something to give all that up. So this is all coming forward. You remember all these things, you attempt to go to therapy. And when you said you triggered the therapists, what does that mean to you? Does that mean that they had those experiences in their past? How is it they aren't able to handle what you're telling them?

Leanne Sheargold 26:02

Well, the majority, as I said, I spoke to five different ones. Some of them they would then start to talk to me about their relationships in domestic violence. Or as I was speaking about the sexual abuse, they would then start to speak to me about their sexual abuse. And like at that time, I would was totally unaware that there was domestic violence happening in my marriage. I'd heard about what domestic violence was. I knew that there was a cycle of abuse, but I had no idea about what it actually was and what it looked like. But this particular lady, she started straight away. She's told me about her own abuse, and then she's like, Oh, the cycle abuse and this and this and this, and you must, and you got to do this and you've got to do that, and ring that person. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I was like, what the hell is going on? Have I gone into a time warp or something? Um, because at that stage, I was not recognizing that it was domestic violence, and for her to be so in my face about what happened in her marriage, but then also telling me you must do this and you should do that. So that was quite hard as well. But that just ended up being something else that me and Glenn would argue about because he would say, Oh, counselors wouldn't speak to you like that. They wouldn't tell you like that. So again, he just thought I was lying about everything. Or in his mind, it was like, that's not how counselors speak, or that's not how they treat you.

Marla Miller 27:31

Well, he must not have liked what you came back and said because it was about him being abusive, right? Yeah, I can't imagine he even had any kind of normal conversation about that. So he's fighting you basically on going to the therapist, and then the therapists are probably throwing your nervous system off tremendously. So, did you end up finding someone that was helpful or not?

Leanne Sheargold 28:01

Yeah, I did. So in Australia, there's a long wait. So Glenn and I decided to go to marriage counseling. So we found a lady, but it was like a four-month wait to get in to see her. And so when we both went to her practice, she also did EMDR, which is the treatment that I wanted to do. And she also specialized in child abuse and all of that. So we started seeing her as a marriage counseling, but then I also spoke to her about someone else in her practice that I could speak to. And so because I'd already started with her, she spoke to the other person. And so I got in to see the other counselor to work on myself pretty quick that way. Yeah. I told her about I've been to all these five different people, and she could tell from how I turned up to the marriage counseling session, the state that I was in. So yeah, it was good that she was able to help me quickly get into one of the other counselors in her practice. Yeah.

Marla Miller 29:03

So at what point after going to therapy with your husband and also by yourself, did you decide the marriage was over? How did you get out of it?

Leanne Sheargold 29:15

Yeah, good question. So I ended up, might be in about eight months. I ended up leaving my husband three times. He was physical with me. And each time the physical abuse was worse. So on the third time I left, and my son, who lived in Broken Hills, said, Mom, go to the airport. I bought you a ticket, get on the plane and come here. And so I went there and I stayed there with him and his family for a couple of months. But in that time, because I was in a safe space, the more detailed and graphic memories started to come up. And so all of my sons were witnessing, like I wasn't showering, I was in the same clothes for days. I was too scared to sleep. I'd be outside playing with the kids, and I was just like a zombie sitting on the swing, totally oblivious to what was going on. So they all spoke to me and said, Look, mom, we're really concerned. We think that you should actually perhaps find a place where you can go to get more intensive treatment than just once a week. But I agreed with them. Whereas I think they thought I was gonna want to argue the fact. So I ended up finding, like in Australia, for me to go into a mental health rehabilitation, it was very, very expensive. And it was more like a short term, and then you go home and you do Zoom sessions. Whereas I then somehow or other I found a place in Chiang Mai called the Dawn, and I went there. I got money out of my superannuation to pay for it, and I went there. Initially, I was going there for two months for intensive treatments, so that meant five sessions a week of EMDR, but I ended up staying like in that first two months. I did the majority of my trauma, but I wasn't ready to come home to Glen because I didn't feel safe to go home to Glen. And I still was quite fragile, like I still had no idea who I was as a person. I was still lost around that. So I ended up staying an extra month at the dawn, but it was sort of like a half in and half out. So I slept there and got fed and went to one group session, and then they would drive me into the city and I'd have the majority of the day to do whatever I wanted to do, knowing that they were going to pick me up and I also had their phone numbers. Like I'd have to plan each day where I was gonna go, what I was gonna do, so that they knew where I was. But then also they would make sure I had all the telephone numbers and all of that to ring them if I needed help. And so that was the best thing because it really helped me to gain confidence with that safety net of knowing they were there if I needed it. And then at the end of that time, when I was doing the therapy, towards the end, my counsellor had got me to write out what are the qualities that you would like in a husband, or what qualities would you like your husband to be? And I think I wrote down 10 things, but it was just like speak to me respectfully, not to swear and call me names, not to bring up my family into the conversations. So it was just everyday things. It was nothing like win lotto or anything like that. And then they asked me, all right, we'll go through the checklist and see how many of those things that you would like to feel safe and to be in a loving relationship. How many does your current husband have? He had two out of the 11. And my counselor had warned me, he said, when we do this activity, it's gonna be really clear where you stand. So I just want you to be prepared for that. So after that happened, it was really clear to me that this isn't gonna work. But I decided to, because while I was in there doing EMDR, I wrote emails to my husband and I owned my behavior, the things that I had contributed to the marriage, or not contribute, like I wrote apology emails and all that sort of thing. But he, for whatever reason, he wouldn't take them as an apology. He actually got angry and we would argue about it. So so many times I was at the dawn, my phone was taken off me for my safety, so I wouldn't harm myself, or I freely gave it to them to keep me safe. So we had this conversation. I wrote this long email to him, and then I spoke with him on the phone. And he's just like, no, I'm not doing any of those. There's nothing wrong with me. I am who I am, you're the problem, you're over there in the mental health because you're effed in the brain. Everything is you. If you didn't do this or you didn't say that. So I was like, okay, it's really, really clear that he's not willing to change. Or not even change. He's not willing to treat me respectfully. He's not willing to even look at how he speaks. He's not even willing to go to marriage counseling and to work on this. They even offered for us to have a session together with my counselor on Zoom. And Glenn wouldn't do that. He wouldn't come online to speak to them.

Marla Miller 34:24

Yeah, there's too much uh focus on him. I'm sure even though he comes across as he's blaming you, it's all internal shame and against himself. And he doesn't want to have that spotlight on him. So you did separate, right? You and your husband ended up separating.

Leanne Sheargold 34:41

Well, I stayed in Chiang Mai all up eight months, and then I went back to Australia because it was Christmas, and I went and had Christmas with one of my sons, and then I went back to my house because our house was opposite the beach, it was a big house. So he came with me, and then that's when I realized that Glenn, we just started arguing straight away. So it was very clear, but at that stage I had nowhere to go. And then one of my friends who lived in another state in the country just said, Look, I have this Airbnb little studio. Why don't you come and live here? Live here for free, and we'll help you sort it out. So the very next day, I put all my clothes in my car and my laptop, and I left. And I moved into that place, and so we're divorced now. We did all the legal, made our lawyers rich. And I'm living in a rental property, not with my friend, like my own separate house. It's an Airbnb, so the only thing I own besides my clothes is maybe a couple of towels because it's fully furnished, and yeah, I'm just getting on with my life.

Marla Miller 35:48

That's good. You're in a much better place, even though I'm sure it's not been easy. So, after all of this experience, when did you start to tap into the quantum healing and the energetic work? And maybe you can explain what that is.

Leanne Sheargold 36:06

Yeah, sure. So when I was still living with my husband and I was working full-time as a school teacher, I had a spiritual business as well. So part of my stress of being a teacher and giving to that 100% was I'd often in the holidays feel burnt out. So I started to meditate purely by accident. Like I think Hay House had a meditation weekend and I thought I'd give that a go. And then just over the weekend, I noticed how different I felt in my body. I wasn't as negative about the world, and I actually felt some happiness or I felt better about myself. So I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna continue doing this meditation. So I, you know, I'd go on YouTube and I'd find guided meditations and I'd listen to it every day. And then I started reading lots of the Dalai Lama books, and so I really changed my perspective around the world. I started to learn about having compassion and kindness for myself, and so from that I then went and did my meditation certificate training so I can teach meditation to children and to adults, which I then did. But I also then went and got, because I'd always been interested in the spiritual side of things, but because life was so busy that hadn't really had much attention. So I went and did my Reiki certificate trainings, and I started doing that thinking it was just going to be something I was interested in it, and I just saw it as fun. And so I started healing myself, and then one night I had a couple of girlfriends over and we'd all been drinking, and they knew that I was doing this Reiki, and but it was all like a hilarious joke, really. And so they're like, Oh, come on, come on, give us a go. And silly me, we're all drunk, and I'm like, okay. So I, you know, I started doing a little bit of Reiki on them, and they could feel the heat in my hands, and we were all just laughing and joking, but then afterwards I realized I actually enjoyed doing that. I actually felt good about myself, I felt happy, and so then I asked them, Do you want to come over? So I then got them to come over individually, and I was started doing healing on them, and they noticed the difference in themselves as well, like their physical ailments. Like one lady was going through menopause and was always like a furnace, she was always so hot. So I helped her with the healing. So it was like the heat left her, but it came onto me. And so I was sweating, sweat was going in at all these different places where you don't want sweat to go. And she's like, Oh my goodness, I feel so much better. I feel lighter, I feel calmer. And I'm like, Yeah, that's because your heat is now on me instead of being you. Um, but yeah, so she then started coming regularly and another friend. So I started to get a clientele in Broken Hill where I was healing people. But at the same time, part of my meditation routine every morning I would meditate for me to connect back to my body to notice what was going on in my body. You know, if I had a headache, it'd be like talking to the headache. Okay, why are you there? What's the problem? Why are you aching? And it would tell me, oh, you know, there's abandonment issues. So it wants to release the abandonment. So then I'd ask my body, well, how do you want to release that? And you know, sometimes by me asking, it would just show an image like a postcard, and then that would be all it would need, and it'll just burst. Other times it's like, oh, you've got this lump of negativity in your brain. It's like gel. Can you go in energetically and remove it? So then I'd go in and actually remove it. So my body really was the guide, really. It was by me connecting to my body and asking it, where is it aching or where is it sore? Other times I would just tune in and I'd ask my spirit, because my spirit guides started to come back and start to talk to me as well, and my fairies from my childhood. So I would ask them, all right, what trauma do I need to work on today? And usually it was an emotion, but it was emotion that was trapped somewhere in my body. And so I would then remove that. Or I they would guide me on how to remove it. Sometimes it was like putting my hand into my body and pulling out this big lump of gel or a hard rock. Other times it was like cutting around it and then scooping it out like an ice cream scoop to remove it. Because every day I was healing my body, I started to actually learn a lot about the systems of the body and how it works, you know, like with your muscles and your ligaments and the bones and your heart and all the different valves and things like that. So I sort of found as I healed different things in my body, then I would get clients who would come and I would do that same healing that I did on myself. I would do that with them. So I sort of just started with that. And then one of my friends, well, at that time I was telling myself I couldn't do distance healing. I was only doing in person. And then one of my good friends who lived in Queensland is she like challenged me. She's like, I bet that you can do it. And I'm like, No, no, I can't. Anyway, she's like, Yes, you can give it a go. And so my very first person that I did a distance healing, she sent me a photo of her face where I could see her face and I could see into her eyes. I would be staring into her eyes, and then I would see. So it's like I was healing my body, but it was their body that makes sense. Like I would lay down and I would see them floating above me, but my eyes would connect into theirs, and my body then became their body. So as I was removing and clearing things and going through the chakras, it was actually happening in their body at that time. And so I just continue doing that. And then eventually I wouldn't need the picture, just their name was enough for me to connect in energetically. And at that time, when I got to that stage, I didn't see their body like floating. I would just lay down, I'd think of the person's name, I would connect into their energy, like a music wave or frequency waves, and then I would just start healing their body, asking, okay, what's going on? Yeah. So it just kept progressing. Whereas now when I do quantum healings, because I no longer do Reiki, but everyone knows what Reiki is. So I sort of at times I'll use that word. But what I can see now is when I look at a person when they're coming in for a healing, it's like their skin disappears, and I can see all their organs, I can see their blood. It's like whichever parts of their body are damaged and need to be healed, they light up and they start to speak to me. So that's where I'll go. It's like their organs or the parts of their body. It might be that their brain lights up first. So I'll go and do the work that I need to do there. And then the next part might be like in their hips that got stuck. There's things holding them back. There's wedges in behind the backs of their knees stopping them from moving forward. So yeah, the body really speaks to me and guides me about what needs to be removed. But it also, it's like while I'm healing their body, their body then also will talk to me. So, say lots of people who might have, like if they got fibro, it'll be like, all right, there's trauma that happened in their childhood. So it'll take me to that place where that trauma is. And then it will show me their whole body lights up with the chronic fatigue that came from that. It's like it shows me in layers. It's a bit different. Like with their first one, it's a bit like healing as much as I can in that one session that's ready to be healed. But then when I have women that have chronic illness, or if they have trauma and then they're coming back, it's like if you think of like an onion, you remove the first outer layer, but you've got to work through the layers to get to the seed. So whether it's chronic illness or whether it's trauma or mothering issues or father issues or past life issues, you've got to get to the seed. Because it's like that little seed of where it started has been planted in your body, and then it grows. So, say, for example, if you were assaulted in your womb space, would be the little seed. And all the trauma goes into your womb, it fills up your womb, and then it keeps manifesting and growing. It'll then go into your ovaries and your fallopian tubes, and then it will go into other parts of your body. So often, you know, energetically, you'll hear people say, Oh, I've healed that, I've done that already. I don't know why it's here. But it's like it's spread throughout your body. Like, yes, the sexual abuse or trauma is in your womb space, but it's manifested, it's grown. And maybe it might have been just like that one instance, but then you've found having sex painful or awful, or you don't feel really in it. Or, you know, like women, we have to go for all these medical checkups like pelvic exams and you know, all of those. Maybe because you were raped, you feel uncomfortable and you don't really want to like it. So it's like that then is another layer of that trauma that is getting wrapped around the initial seed of it.

Marla Miller 45:37

Well, so I have a lot of questions. So as far as when you are trying to get to the root of someone's issues, or you see their body and something stands out, an organ or something, is it usually the oldest wound, so to speak, or is it just for some reason it's what needs to be addressed first? How does it come to you in what order?

Leanne Sheargold 46:02

Yeah. So with everyone, the first thing is the very first session, everyone has so many attachments from other people. And that usually their body is in some form of where it's solidified or it's like concrete around their body because they've never had an energetic healing before. And so everything is really hard and compacted. Often I have to like cut away energetically, of course, cut away the concrete and then pull that person out of that concrete and then clear this the room. Then I can actually see their spirit, I can see their soul, I can see their aura. That's when their body starts to light up. And then as I start doing whatever it is that their body is wanting healed, it's like the symptoms that are there, their body will start to tell me that, okay, she's got trauma from her childhood. It won't tell me the details of it, but I know that there's trauma from their childhood. So at the end of the session, when I'm speaking with the client, like I'll tell them what I healed, what I saw, what messages came through. If any of their spirit guides or past loved ones or pets come through, I pass all of that on. But then I'll also bring up, like very gently, bring up about, okay, I saw that there was something there from your childhood. For me, it's about I'm wanting to create a space where the woman feels safe and they feel nurtured. So I'm not going to just bluntly go in and say, oh, you were sexually assaulted, you know, all of that. Because they may not know. So I will sort of say something very gently around. I noticed that there was a lot of trauma in your childhood. Perhaps things happened or words that were said, or you witnessed events, and that's being stored in your body. And it's presenting with these symptoms, illnesses in your body that the doctor can't find a reason. You're feeling foggy in the brain for no reason. You've got chronic fatigue, or I don't really say chronic fatigue, I'll say more something about like you have extreme tiredness. Because, like in Australia, if you say chronic fatigue, people are actually diagnosed with chronic fatigue.

Marla Miller 48:17

Yeah.

Leanne Sheargold 48:18

So I'm going to make sure I don't label people or I don't put that on them if that's not a diagnosis that they've already got. So yeah, it's just the work I do is very gentle, it's very holistic. It's working with energy in the person's body, and it's about clearing out all the negative energy from other people or even from their persona or their outlook, but it's also removing a lot of the energy that's stuck. If you think of a river where there's this beautiful water and stream flowing, and you can hear it as it rolls over the rocks, it's like there's a big boulder and nothing can go. The water is not moving, it becomes stagnant, and then horrible things start growing in the water and it's got decay. That's what the human body is like when they first come to me, generally, because there's no movement, the energy is not flowing through their body.

Marla Miller 49:17

Yeah. Well, I have a couple other questions. So when you mentioned, did you call them spirit guides and fairies? You said that they came back. Was that something when you were little, you communicated with what you would call fairies or spirit guides?

Leanne Sheargold 49:35

Yeah. So I would, as a child, I had lots of fairies in my room that I would talk with and play with. I would go to the fairy realm. That was normal. I would go to the fairy realm and play with them. But when my brother, the very first episode of my brother, and I was 11 at that time, well, nearly 11, and then I got my periods. So my periods stopped the sexual abuse, but all of that childhood all went. And so it wasn't until when I was in my 40s and I started to meditate and connecting back to my body and back to myself, and I started to learn about your higher self. That's when my fairies came back. And that was such an exciting moment, realizing that there were my fairies from when I was a child and they were talking with me. And they just brought in fun and lightness because that's when I was sort of realized life was very serious. And so the meditation really helped me to shift my perspective and see things, you know, like the glass half full rather than the glass half empty, sort of thing.

Marla Miller 50:44

So did what did they look like? Was it balls of light? What did you see?

Leanne Sheargold 50:49

No, no. So yeah, they're like little humans, they're not very big at all. They're maybe about this big, and they had little wings. Yeah, they look just like a human, but they got thumbelina, like a thumblina or something. Something like that. Yeah, and they've got different personalities, different hair color, different skin color, different eye color.

Marla Miller 51:10

So, would the conversations you would have with them as a child versus now, is it similar or different? Yeah, are they giving you information, or is it more just like a companion having fun, like a friendship?

Leanne Sheargold 51:26

Yeah, as a child, it was a lot about having fun because like the sexual abuse started when I was three. So the fairies, it was like I would get to go to their realm and have fun and play and laugh and just do things like a child should do, happy and free and wonderment and amazement. Whereas as an adult, they would come in and they would speak with me. At first, when they came in, they did bring all that fun and joy and happiness and silliness and laughing and all of that. But then they also would then speak with me, or they would come in, you know, when I connected to my higher self, which is part of me, they would also be there, adding a bit of mischievous or something like that as well. So, yeah, definitely as an adult, they still bring in the fun and the happiness, but it's like they are also part of the conversation about direction in my life or things that they would like me to be doing with the earth or different bits and pieces like that as well.

Marla Miller 52:33

So when you say you look at someone and see the energy or see different things, do you see that all the time when you see different people? Or is it something you have to sort of turn on, you know, to see?

Leanne Sheargold 52:47

Yeah, it's there all the time, but I'd have to turn it off. You know, at the beginning, when I was totally unaware, I was hearing all of my guides talking in my head at the same time. I was hearing people's spirit guides talk. It was like a hundred voices in my head. Or when I would go out and about as I walk past someone, I would know exactly what was wrong with them, what was going on in their life. So it was bombardment from everywhere. It was just too much, it was way too much for me to cope with. And so I had to learn to actually turn it off, even at night, because at night you're the most open. So a lot of my spirit guides will want to talk to me at night. So I just sort of had to say to them, look, I'm sorry, but at night I'm sleeping. I need to sleep. I'm in the human body. Human bodies have to sleep. If you need to speak to me, it needs to be in the day. Or it needs to be when I'm meditating, or if I'm doing journaling, that's the time for you to talk. Or if there's a message that I need to know during the day, that's fine, but not to come in at night when I'm sleeping. And you know, for me to sleep with all the amount of trauma that I have, sleep is important because my body needs to rest. So yeah, sort of to put that boundary in place and let them know that nighttime is not the time. And then often also because I might be astral traveling, I don't want to have to be listening or taking in or people trying to connect into my body when I'm actually not in my physical body, I've already left. So yeah.

Marla Miller 54:20

So that's a whole nother conversation. Astral travel. Yeah. So as far as even having this conversation right here, when we come on over Zoom, do you have to see someone visibly? Or you said you don't have to be looking directly at them, or do you?

Leanne Sheargold 54:41

No, no, no, no, no. So over the years, I've do lots of healings around the world, like Canada, America, Germany, UK, anywhere. Like if someone books a healing with me and I see their name, that's all I need is just their name, or even just their first name. And then, yeah, then I can do the healing on that person. And then I'll either speak with them through Zoom or something and tell them what I did, or I'll type up an email. Don't need to see that person at all. So if you've booked a healing, when you come into my space or when I'm about to go onto Zoom, it's like I tune into your energy just to sort of go, okay. And the energy will start to talk to me before I even start. If you're walking into my shop, just by looking at you, I can see what's happening in your body. So I already know what's there just by looking at you. Say you were to book a healing and you had decided that you wanted to be there on the Zoom while I do the healing, because some people, and that's fair enough, want to do that. It's like I will tune into your energy before we start. And then often if I'm doing it here, like by a distance, and you're wanting to be on the Zoom, I'll just say to you, maybe if you want to meditate or if you want to read a book, or just do something quiet, like don't be up vacuuming and do all of that. Just, you know, for the hour, just do something where you're sitting down and you're relaxing so that you're there. So people have an option of whether they want to be present on the Zoom session while it's happening, or whether they actually want me to just do it via distance and then speak to them after and to tell them what I did and what I saw and what I heard and all of that sort of thing.

Marla Miller 56:26

Yeah, that's interesting. I know of someone who does not exactly the same work, but along the same lines. But sometimes they see certain things that are very tangible, and sometimes it's like your cells are doing this, or whatever. Is that how you work? Or is it more like childhood trauma or you know, there's cancer in an organ or something like that?

Leanne Sheargold 56:52

Yeah. So look, a lot of women find me who have trauma because they're sick of their life, or they're sick of the doctors not being able to find what's wrong with them, and they're sick of feeling the way that they feel. So women just tend to find me that have trauma, and then we start working on that, and they want to continue because they want to get to the end of where it's removed. But I also have women who come in that have like um a chronic illness, uh, where perhaps they haven't, they they just feel like there's something not right in their body, but the doctors can't find anything. Um, and so a lot of I think the big message to that I'd be trying to let everyone know is any physical symptoms that you have, there's actually a reason why something has happened in your body. And so the the your body is giving you the warning sign or it's giving you a sign, like when you get a headache, that's your physical body telling you that there's something wrong in your brain because you've got a headache, your head is aching. And most people just or the doctors are like, go pop this pill and it'll go away. But the problem is if you don't actually go in and heal while the migraine is there, you don't get to the core of it. You're just gonna continue to get it, it's just gonna continue to be there. Um, you know, I've spoken to a couple of people that have come to me because they've noticed there's a pattern in their life of always picking the same men that want to drink alcohol. So we do a bit of backtrack. We're like, okay, so what was your dad like? Oh, he was an alcoholic and he couldn't hold down a job. Okay, what was his dad like? Oh, yep, yep. He was always known to be drunk by 12 o'clock. So it's like they have that pattern in their life. So that's when I'll go in and do a paternal clearing. So we go back into the father's line and go right back all the different generations back until where it actually started, where the alcoholism started. And it might be like 10 generations back. And then I clear all the lines coming forward and then go into your DNA and clear your DNA and then remove that attachment to you so that in the future you're not going to be picking partners that are alcoholics. It's like, you know, she's been carrying the backpack of all those 10 generations of alcoholism. That's why she's attracted, because it's so familiar, because that's what she grew up in that environment with her dad. She thinks that's what love looks like, and that's how you act. So that's why she's picking those type of people. So I do a whole range of different things, past lives. You know, other people are like, I keep feeling like I've got this stabbing in my back, but I've never been stabbed in my life, and it keeps causing me to have a lot of back issues. So that's when I'll go in and do a past life regression with them. And we go back to the past, like I asked to be shown where this relates to. And so we will see the whole thing that happened. And usually what I asked to be shown also is what led into that particular incident. So, like with the woman with the knife stabbing in the back, it's like, all right, what was happening in her life? How did that come about? And then I get her as a human with me to actually speak to herself as the human at that time, show them love, show them compassion, speak to them nicely. And then again, I go into with Archangel Metatron, go into the Akashic Record, go into the DNA, clear all of that, clear all the future lines. So, yeah, there's lots of different things that I do.

Marla Miller 1:00:35

Um so do you have an example of someone that came to and then the outcome, like the positive outcome after you worked with them?

Leanne Sheargold 1:00:45

Yeah, sure. Um, so I had a lady probably about a year and a half ago who came to see me with chronic fatigue. And she had had chronic fatigue like since she was a child all of her life. She was in her 60s, and her chronic fatigue was so severe that she might get up and go into town, like a regional small town, and then that would be the rest of her day gone. She'd be in bed sleeping. So she came to see me every week, and we went clearing her body, clearing her energy, going into looking at why is the chronic fatigue there? And it's like all these little incidents had happened throughout her life, but it went back to her childhood, like most things. There were five children, she was the oldest. Every morning the mum would push her outside and she had to stay outside and play and entertain herself. And then as each sibling came along, she was then responsible. Didn't matter that she was only a year older, she was then responsible for all her siblings. They never got love or attention. Her dad was very domineering. English as a second language because they came from Germany. So it affected her self-esteem, her self-worth like was very, very hard as a child. She was constantly moving houses. So it really affected her identity. And the chronic fatigue was there all the time. She would have big memories of different events of her life, from when she was eight all the way through to her 50s. So we worked on each event that she could remember. And we would clear that and remove it from the Akashic record, clear it from her DNA. And so eventually, after about six months, she said to me she was going to drive to Canberra. So she'd gone from not being able to leave the house really to being able to get up and go out in the garden. But she said she was going to drive to Canberra to visit her son. And she had said to me in the past, about three years ago, she had driven there, visited him. And when she came home, she couldn't get out of bed for a month, not even to care for herself. And so I knew this was a big test. And she actually rang me. She said, Oh my God, I've got here. I feel fine. And then each day she'd message me, Oh, today we went outside seeing. We only did that for a couple of hours, and I came back home and rested. Uh, and then she drove back and like she was just amazed. She had one day in bed when she got back. And, you know, it she would be planning her day where she could sleep, or she'd be falling asleep on the bus and or falling asleep on the train, or she had to plan her life around where she could sleep. And now I still see her all the time. She's going to line dancing twice a week, and she's minding her grandkids and picking them up from school and dropping them off at sport. And so her life is very rich now. It's very full. She's that's great. So much energy. And she's just like, I can't believe I'm in my 50s, and now I have energy, but she's now loving life and she's going and trying things and doing things that she never got the chance to before.

Marla Miller 1:04:00

Well, that's great. Yeah, that's a good success story. Well, I'd like to ask three quick questions of everyone that's been through something tough and come out of it. So, what was the biggest obstacle to resolving this childhood trauma?

Leanne Sheargold 1:04:19

Oh, um doing the EMDR. I knew that I didn't want to do talk therapy, that it doesn't work. It just brought it all up. Doing EMDR, it was so hard. It was so in your face, but it was so rewarding. It was the best thing that I ever did. It was very, very full on. If you can imagine two weeks of five sessions a week, you're very much in that chaotic state and you're trying to cope and survive and breathe. That was so, so hard, but it was so rewarding.

Marla Miller 1:04:52

So the obstacle was more the lack of progress with the talk therapy, right? And then the difficulty is EMDR, but it was helpful.

Leanne Sheargold 1:05:02

Yeah, yeah. The difficulty was the EMDR because of how deep it went, how intricate it was, how involved it was, because you're reliving every memory. You're hearing the words, you're reliving it. Yeah. That's what was difficult.

Marla Miller 1:05:19

But not an obstacle. I mean, it wasn't stopping you from healing, it was progressing you forward, but in a tough way.

Leanne Sheargold 1:05:27

Yeah, in times it did. Sometimes it did feel like it was an obstacle because I was scared. I suppose one of the other obstacles was, and the difficulty was I was petrified to sleep at night. I would wake up at night and I would see like these black blobs standing at the end of my bed. Medication has helped a lot, but I would stay awake to two or three in the morning and maybe go to sleep for three hours. In the day, I could sleep because it was light, but at night, no, I couldn't sleep. So that was the biggest challenge and obstacle.

Marla Miller 1:05:59

Yeah. Well, what about the biggest lesson you learned along the way?

Leanne Sheargold 1:06:05

Biggest lesson. Just that energetically, you need to remove the trauma energetically from your body. Like for me, doing the EMDR, learning about the trauma, it's still there energetically. So, like learning about it and feeling it and all of that is great. I know all of the trauma from beginning to end, but it was still laying in my body energetically. So having to remove that. So I think that's the main message. For everyone, is your body is talking to you. It's giving you signs of what's wrong. And it's like until you move it energetically, these illnesses or trauma or abandonment issues or whatever it may be, you can pop a pill or you can do trauma talk therapy or EMDR, but you've also got to remove it energetically to be free from it.

Marla Miller 1:07:00

And the best way to do that is how you work with that, right? You do that for people. That's what I do, yes. So that's it.

Leanne Sheargold 1:07:09

But I do a very holistic approach. It's very gentle. It's where I get you to connect to your body, start talking to your body, noticing the aches and the pains, their signs your body is talking to you, but it's also removing the trauma or removing other people's words, you know, like if you have a partner that's very manipulative or controlling, their words are in your head. So removing all of that.

Marla Miller 1:07:36

Well, and what was the kindest thing someone did for you during that time?

Leanne Sheargold 1:07:41

Ah, the kindest thing one of my therapists was a breathwork therapist. And while I was doing therapy with him a couple of times a week, he would always say these affirmations, and his words have stuck with me. So he would always say, in the midst of the half an hour, you can do hard things, you're stronger than you think. And he would say those throughout the session. And his words, you know, when I'm really struggling or when I'm having a bad day, I will hear his voice and his words and his tone. They're telling me, Leanne, you can do hard things. You're stronger than you think. And that gets me through or gets me over that hump of feeling horrible or whatever it. So yeah, that's amazing. That's his voice and his words are still with me. And I use them a lot to help me when I need it the most.

Marla Miller 1:08:35

Yeah, that's a good one. So, where can people find you if they want to work with you?

Leanne Sheargold 1:08:40

Yeah, so you can find me on Facebook and Instagram under my name, Leanne Sheargold. Also, my business is called Pure Gold Holistic and Wellbeing. We've got a website, but also Facebook and Instagram with those as well. So they're great ways, you know, if you want to just reach out and ask me some questions or ask me a bit more about how energetic healing works, or if I can do it via Zoom or whatever else your questions may be, I'm happy to answer them all to help anyone that's wanting or is interested or wants to know a bit more.

Marla Miller 1:09:13

So your website is called PureGold Holisticandwellbeing.com. Yes, that's it.

Leanne Sheargold 1:09:21

Yep.

Marla Miller 1:09:22

Okay, great.

Leanne Sheargold 1:09:23

And if not, the easiest way, just my name, Leanne ShearGold, you can find me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. Yeah.

Marla Miller 1:09:31

Well, thank you for being here and sharing your very personal story as well as your unique techniques and ways of clearing that childhood trauma and helping people heal in all different ways. Thank you so much.

Leanne Sheargold 1:09:48

You're welcome. It's been lovely to be talking with you and sharing different things. I appreciate it so much.