Marla Miller 0:00

Welcome back to Open-minded healing. This episode really applies to everyone, but in particular to those that may feel like your life looks good on paper and society may deem you to be successful and you know how to adapt to your surroundings, but deep inside you feel disconnected or you feel like your life is not your own. Today we're going to be discussing how your life may have been shaped by survival from a very young age. My guest, Megan Dawson, is the co-founder of the Unperfect Life Company. And through her own lived experiences and unique framework, she will be showing you how to address past traumas and build a life that feels as aligned as it looks and contribute to society in a truly authentic way. Welcome, Megan.

Meghann Dawson 0:53

Thank you, Marla. So happy to be here.

Marla Miller 0:56

Yeah, it's great to have you here. And I'm really interested to hear a lot more about this framework you have in place for people that have experienced trauma, but also, like I said, I think a lot of people go through life kind of feeling a little disconnect from, you know, whether it's all the time or from time to time. And so to hear how you help people tap into their authentic nature will be very interesting. So do you want to, well, you can tell me how you'd like to start. I know you have something called the seven competencies.

Meghann Dawson 1:32

That's right. Yes. Yeah. How about we start with where they came from? Um, because there might be listeners who have a sense that some of these are unfolding in their own lives. Um, so for me, I have a chronic trauma background. I grew up both with medical trauma right at birth. I caught an infection in the hospital that wreaked havoc on my body and has led to a lifetime of surgeries and pain. I've never known a body that doesn't have pain. So that's one of my forms of early childhood trauma. I also grew up in a household as the oldest daughter in a home where my mom, she had been a teenage mom, so very young when she had me. And my dad was an abusive alcoholic. And so verbally abusive to all of us, uh, sometimes physical with my mom. And so, you know, just to set the stage, that for me, that's that lays in my background, and it led into me growing into a young adult, a child at first, who had to really learn coping survival mechanisms. And so what that felt like for me as a young woman was eventually really feeling like a ghost in my life, feeling like I had no idea who I was. And so for many of us, and as you shared, trauma is not necessarily not everybody has to have chronic trauma in their background to feel kind of what I would call like that imposter syndrome, but just kind of this feeling like all of a sudden you start realizing that you wake up and you're like, gosh, this life, I have all the things that people said would make me feel successful. You know, I have a nice house, I have a husband, I have a new baby, I had a convertible. That was, you know, for me growing up on a in a beach community, that convertible was something that was such a status. I just knew that once I had that, I had made it and I arrived with all of those things. And I found myself nursing my daughter one night. She was a preemie, and this was early on as her mom. And as I nursed her that night, it hit me that I couldn't keep running from taking control of my own life, that I had a facade, and that if I didn't confront the facade, I was going to pass on to her the same wounds that had shaped my experience. And that came to me just in a little inner voice that said, you need to do better for her. And that for me sparked this journey of really listening to that inner knowing. For many people listening, you may have a very loud inner critic. I think for women in particular, that's very common, is to be very familiar with that inner critic, that voice inside that tells you you are not worthy. It tells you to stay quiet, it tells you you're too much and to hide and to fit in. That inner critic is not truly your inner voice. That inner critic is born from a buildup of all of kind of that toxic environment type stuff. And it tries to keep you small, where each of us have an inner voice inside of us that helps us actually live out our purpose. And if we can get still enough and hear that inner voice, it's going to lay the steps for you to live out your purpose. And essentially, that's what happened to me. That was my starting point to take my life back and eventually uncover those competencies for myself.

Marla Miller 5:20

Well, so I'm curious. I totally understand the aspect of like when you have a child, it really changes your perspective. And all of a sudden, what you wouldn't do for yourself, you're willing to do for this baby. But I'm wondering too, had you already been very aware up until that point, like that my life is just not fitting who I really am, or there was some discomfort there? Or when did you realize I'm living a life that maybe society thinks I should live, but I'm not happy?

Meghann Dawson 5:58

Yes. So I kind of talked myself out of it. So at that point, I had been with her dad for quite a few years. And I was feeling like, gosh, is this what life is supposed to be? That was kind of the feeling I had. I wasn't happy. He treated me very much like my dad treated my mom. And so it's very common for those of us that grew up in environments that were unhealthy to seek those environments out when we're adults because it feels comfortable to be in familiarity. And so I was in a relationship where my opinion was unvalidated. I couldn't even pick the TV shows that we watched because they were all uh described as stupid. I was gross, I couldn't talk about my pasts, and so I couldn't open up to my husband about my trauma childhood because he thought it was gross. And so I started feeling discomfort in my life, but I'd push it down and just say I was being grateful. This is what marriage is, and marriage is hardship and compromise and essentially giving up my whole self just to maintain. Because I feel like our society says that, you know, marriage and the house and the 2.5 size family with kids, you know, it's like that's all success. And so for me, I felt ungrateful to be questioning how unhappy I felt in that environment.

Marla Miller 7:25

Yeah, that seems like a common thing as well, when the people in general will sort of make excuses for things. Exactly. Right. Yes.

Meghann Dawson 7:34

And so that's how I felt that something was wrong with me. And so I tried to just kind of throw that away and stop those feelings. But over time, I really did become like a shell of a person. And externally, there were people in my life that would notice that and make comments to me, ask if I was okay. And I would put a smile on and I would say I was. But then after that night in the nursery, it's it just was, it was like a directive from the universe, is what it felt like of if you want to get this motherhood thing right, you need to address this feeling that's bubbling up inside you. And so it started guiding me. And what it guided me to next was starting to go see a therapist, which I had not done as an adult. And so in therapy, it was a secret from my husband at the time. He would not have approved of that. And so it was courageous of me to secretly start going to therapy. And when I went, I really thought I was going to fix myself. That's what I thought I was doing. But through therapy, I started uncovering just patterns in my life with men and how my husband was treating me and were the issues. And essentially that conversation started really circling around the fact that I was not in a marriage that could be saved. So that was a big part of that uncovery. The other thing that came out of that was uh an ability to look at our past through a compassionate lens. And I know, Marla, when you and I talked previously, this was a topic that you and I dove into a little bit. And this one has become so foundational to my life. You know, as you mentioned, becoming a parent and what you'll make sure you do to take care of your little one is way more than what you would have done for yourself in years past. But for me, once I became that mother, and now I had a therapist who was helping guide me to look at the areas of my life that felt broken to me. She helped me with an exercise where we could start teasing out my past, the things both that had physically happened to me as well as the things I did to survive, because there was plenty of things I did to survive in my background that I wasn't proud of, that brought me immense shame. I started drinking very young. I started doing things with boys that became men way too early. And so I carried all of that. And she helped me do an exercise where we would talk about the stories, but we would talk about them as if it was my own daughter as the child in those instances. And that exercise for me was so powerful to start sensing that the love that I knew she deserved was the same love that I deserved. And for somebody that has had self-worth issues, that was that makes me teary. That was very critical in helping me release some of that shame and then move on to some of these other things because as I healed, that inner voice got louder. And so what it started helping me doing was looking back at my past, looking back at the choices I was making. And to be honest, the choices I was still making in this period of life, I still was making choices that weren't always outwardly looking like what society would choose. For me, that looked like having emotional affairs. I traveled a lot for work. And so the connection I craved so desperately for my husband, I did start finding in other people. And that eventually did lead to actual physical affairs. And for me, what that did was it allowed me to start seeing a pattern unfold. And so, you know, you look back across my life, I can now bubble it down very much perfectionism, alcohol for numbing, and comfort in the arms of men, or just attention from them. It's like those three things are kind of my pattern for survival. And I started to see that. And so I was able to kind of start learning from that in real time and just start realizing that what I was doing, it wasn't necessarily I was this bad person. I was a person who had needs, who had gaps in my life that I wasn't filling. And so by digging in and becoming a detective who was not judgmental, I was able to start seeing my why for doing those things and what they were teaching me, which was so powerful.

Marla Miller 12:15

Yeah, I think two things, especially that you mentioned that are so powerful. And one of them is looking, instead of looking at yourself, which you know people find so easy to condemn themselves, but to view it, especially if you do have a child from what if your child came to you and said they were doing this, how would you respond and react? And you would not be condemning, not that there aren't some parents who who do that, but in general, you find so much love and compassion for them instead of the judgment.

Meghann Dawson 12:51

Once you start looking through it with compassion, you're able to then shift into what is just teaching me, which I think is such a shift away. That's a big one with this competency, is being able to look back with compassion versus judgment actually allows you to then turn that into a teachable moment.

Marla Miller 13:13

Yeah. Yeah. And to look at it, yeah, I guess from a perspective almost like an observer looking at the scenario, your mind isn't in that fight or flight. You're looking at it from a less stressful viewpoint. And if you can just be like, okay, what's the cause and what's the solution here?

Meghann Dawson 13:32

Yeah. And you know, the other thing it taught me, Marla, was it helped me see that I have needs too. I'm a human that is equally deserving of my needs being met, just like my husband's and just like my daughter's. And so I think that by looking at my messy life and seeing the pattern and understanding that I wasn't trying to be a bad person ever. I very much never sought out to hurt people. However, I did have needs that weren't being met by the adults in my life growing up. And I very much had needs that were silenced by my husband. And so for me, it gave me a little bit of grace for myself. Now, not permission in the sense that I wanted to continue down a path where I continued to seek out all the wrong things to heal myself. You know, it's like I feel like, but it did give me grace to understand myself.

Marla Miller 14:33

Yeah, grace. That's a big one. You can give yourself grace.

Meghann Dawson 14:37

Grace. And I think when you have that grace for yourself and you can learn through it, that's how I think you stop the behavior. Because if you have the willingness to sit with it and understand it and realize the reasoning of it, then you can be proactive in how you solve for it. It's kind of that cycle, I believe.

Marla Miller 14:57

Yeah. Well, so out of your seven competencies, yeah, it's the first one what recognize.

Meghann Dawson 15:05

So I'll say what they are. So the first one is to let your inner voice lead. And the first step of that is to learn how to hear your inner voice, right? But eventually we want to get to a place where that inner knowing is your compass. And so a very strong version of this is really letting that be the guide for you. Um, the second one is E. So it spells out level up, is what these letters are gonna spell. The second is examine your life as an observer. The third is value the lessons, even the messy ones. So we've talked about them so far, but then we're gonna get into the ones we haven't talked about yet. So the next one that came to me, once I started doing this work, I started noticing that um the universe was kind of rising up to meet me, I would say. And so the second E in this model is to embrace the magic of the universe. And so this is kind of an external validation to the internal work that you're doing. And when you start noticing your inner world, you start noticing that things start rising up and feeling like signs. Things start, and I don't know the exact reason for this. I don't know if it's just because you're paying attention more or if there is something mystical here, you know. But essentially you're you'll start noticing your favorite number, seeing it all the time, or your song, this song coming on the radio regularly that just makes you feel so good. To me, I describe it as like a hug from the universe. And so, whatever you can do to tap into that and notice it. And so for me, that looked like being obsessed with learning about spirituality. I read this book called The Celestine Prophecy. And that book was for me a huge turning point in understanding and just having a little bit of a belief. That's what I would say for folks that this might be new to. You know, some of it you might be a little skeptical about, and you might not believe all of it, but just educate yourself on the different thoughts out there in the realm of spirituality and see what resonates. Um, my husband, he really resonated with The Alchemist. I also love that book, and that was helpful for me. Um, but the Celestean prophecy, even more so. And so it's just kind of dabble and see what resonates. And then the last one is lean into your unique healing needs. So that last L in level is lean into your unique healing needs, and this becomes a muscle that you hone over time. So for me, back in the day, therapy was my main tool. And I had that for a while, and I used that as my place to kind of be a playground to learn and grow. But over time, as I've continued now to do these competencies for 12 years, I now know my body and I know that inner voice, and it guides me to other tools. And so for me, I now get regular craniosacral massage, which is a body work practice for my nervous system. My nervous system has been a huge uh piece of the puzzle that I didn't address until recently. So I did all the talk work and I did all the gain knowledge, but actually doing the physical work to release this trauma that it held so deeply in my body, it's elevated me once again. So to me, it's kind of a continual process that you're always just checking in and following. And then from there, it goes a little bit more external. So we'll just round out the final two of this is up and you is unapologetically love yourself. And what that means to me is you get to a point where you own your full story. Everything that's happened to you, every mistake you've made, everything that's kept you small and made you feel shame about. You own it, but you love yourself anyway. And it kind of releases that hold over you. And then what happens is you get called to start sharing parts of that. And so for me, I recommend that you get all of that out. All the things that like you're so worried about. If the world knew this about me, they would hate me. If the world knew this, nobody would talk to me. Find somebody you can tell that to. Find somebody in your life that's non-judgmental that you can trust wholly to hold space with you. And for me, when I did that, it was a girlfriend, her name was Lynn. And when I started telling Lynn, she started telling me. You know, it wasn't like she had any bit of judgment. She felt relief because she's like, oh my gosh, this is a space where I can say the truth, you know, the full. And we we learned from each other that yes, we were messy, but neither of us were as bad as we thought we were. We were human. We've made human mistakes. And then the last one is to pass on your level of knowledge. So the last one is once you've found people to confide in, you start shining so bright. I feel like I don't know anybody that's gone through these competencies and strengthened them. It doesn't get to a point where people want to know what your secret is. People will say to you, Oh my gosh, you feel like my life coach, or wow, you always seem happy. You're always glowing, you know? And what it is, is you're living authentically. That's what this gets you to. And so embrace that and help people, tell people what your secret is. Tell them all these competencies.

Marla Miller 20:28

I love that. Every step along the way, I think, is really awesome. And I think it does show when someone's being authentic and really being vulnerable, it is attractive to people. People are drawn to it. And even though a lot of people live by, you know, that society rule and they think they're the only ones who have done something, it's it's so not true. I would say probably everyone, if not, you know, maybe 98% of people have done a bunch of things throughout life that, like you said, were messy or they felt shame around or felt it wasn't right. But like you said, a lot of it is done out of survival or you know, just what they knew at the time, or whatever it is.

Meghann Dawson 21:19

Right.

Marla Miller 21:19

And the more you do share, I think then it opens up, like you said, other people to then feel comfortable sharing as well. And that's how we heal not only ourselves, but ultimately the whole community or the the world ultimately.

Meghann Dawson 21:34

Yes.

Marla Miller 21:35

So I also like that you started with therapy and then you sort of graduated yourself and allowed yourself to explore other ways, other healing paths. And I think that is important to sort of evolve you along and you know, hear that voice. That's pointing you in a certain direction. I remember going through a tough time, and it's funny because I was drawn to the Celestine prophecy too. This was years, years ago. And um, certain books really stood out to me, whereas others, like you said, the other people that were drawn to didn't appeal to me. So it's listening to your own inner voice, so important, and seeing where it's guiding you. I also like how you talk about the synchronicities because I do feel that is when you start getting all these different synchronicities. I think it does show you're on the right path.

Meghann Dawson 22:40

That's what it feels like to me. It feels like validation. And I haven't been able to find out any reason that it's not great to trust it. You don't have to explain it, but it feels good to feel some level of validation because what we're talking about is sometimes hard, courageous things. I think for many of us, that first really knowing that your inner voice is guiding you, a lot of times I think that that first comes to people in moments that are really hard. It's it's leaving a job that you've been in for 10 years and you don't know how you're going to pay your bills if you don't have it. However, you know that it's damaging your health because it's so bad for you. You know, it's stuff like that. For me, just to give a little context on the timing, that little voice in the in the nursery, um, from that point to when I was officially divorced was three years, you know, and so it wasn't like I got the voice, and then instantly I had all the courage and I just was able to leave. Like it didn't look like that. It looked like little by little learning to trust that more than anything that my ex said about me, you know, because he would say all the things, you know, like, oh, nobody's gonna love you, you know, you're gonna destroy your family, and someday your daughter's gonna hate you. You know, he would say those things and they felt real, they felt scary. But that inner voice, because I kept checking in with it, I knew that I still had to risk those things. I I had to risk all the things he was saying because I knew that if I didn't, then I was gonna fully lose myself.

Marla Miller 24:19

Yeah. What was the moment? Like you said, there's so many leading up to it, but was there a moment or a thought where it was just like, this is it?

Meghann Dawson 24:30

Yeah, it was actually it's it's one of my favorite stories. I actually, my tattoo is a little airplane writing the word free. Right. And so this moment came. So what happened was I traveled a ton for work and I uh would meet people all the time. And I've come to realize now I feel like I had almost like an open side on me because I was so craving connection. And so every trip there would be a guy, and they would be like, Oh, do we have a connection? You know, and at first I took that as a compliment, like, you know, all these good-looking guys. I was a young, I was, you know, in my early 30s. And anyway, and so I eventually did, um, I fell in love with somebody along the way. So that was a big part of this. That was when I went and actually told my husband I was filing for divorce. He told me no, I wasn't allowed, and I believed him. He had that level of control over me. It ended up fizzling out with the guy, and it turned into its own kind of version of bigger mess. And so here I was, now heartbroken and still in the crappy marriage. Um, and we started doing marriage counseling. And then fast forward now a year later, so a year goes by of still being miserable. Um, and I go on another trip. And this time around, a guy has this reaction. And to me, I can't, I don't know why. Sometimes the universe gives us messy people. I don't know why, but it was gonna keep doing it. I know this now. It was gonna keep doing it until I, until I changed. And so on this trip, this man had that reaction, like, oh, you know, who are you? You know? And eventually he says to me, Listen, I'm supposed to get married in two weeks. And I've never had the feeling that I felt when you walked in the room today. And I don't know what that is. And so I said, you know, let me just say nothing physical is on the table. Like I have been down this mess, like I don't need mess. I said, but I am considering getting divorced. So let's just hang out. And so we hung out for that trip. Like we were, you know, we sat together in the sessions, we talked, we got to know each other. And by the end of it, I just had the courage that I had been waiting for. And then the last puzzle piece, and I think this is how it happens, is like you just are like, okay, you get enough data. And for me, I'm on the plane after this week with this wonderful person, and I read an article by author Martha Beck. And the article said, when you're something like when you're faced with a tough decision in life and you are really struggling to define your response to it, bubble your thoughts down to one word. And for me on that plane, after that week and after all the years, that word for me was free. And I I just couldn't argue with that anymore. And so I the plane landed, I got home, and I definitively finally said, I am filing for divorce. There's nothing left to talk about. And then that was it. We were officially divorced like four months later.

Marla Miller 27:30

I know it is true. When you come to a decision fully, then there's no stopping you. Yes, yes. But as long as there's any lingering uncertainty, anybody or anything can talk you out of it.

Meghann Dawson 27:47

Yes, yep, exactly. And I think that it's getting to that decision on your own terms. I I have a girlfriend who got, she didn't tell any of the people in her life that she was getting divorced until the divorce was final because she needed to stand so strong in her decision with nobody else's input. And I think for me, I just kept on believing that I could get things to be amicable with my ex-husband, you know, and sometimes life doesn't work like that. It's not our lives are not all on consensus. You know, we're in charge of our own life. And sometimes we really need to sit firmly in that driver's seat and do what we know to be true. And sometimes that is going to hurt other people. And I think that's hard for many of us that are people pleasers.

Marla Miller 28:36

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I'm like your friend in that if I have a big decision to make, I don't tell anyone.

Meghann Dawson 28:45

Yeah.

Marla Miller 28:45

You know, little things you can talk to your friends about and share and everything. But if it's a big decision, I do not want any input. Like I have to know I'm doing this fully on my own and yeah, very consciously.

Meghann Dawson 28:58

Yeah, very consciously. The other thing I would add now, when you do this work and you kind of beef up the muscles of these competencies, they do become second nature. Instead of a choice each time, it's more embodied in how you react. And for me now, you know, luckily I'm not having those big, massive crossroads because I believe in my day-to-day, I live this way. And one of the things that has taken some time that I now am very proud of is that in any given moment, we're all faced with little decisions throughout our day where we unfortunately have to choose between us and everybody else. You know, and I've just come to learn and I teach my kids the same thing that I need to always choose me, wholeness first. And I think we're very much taught as women that that's selfish, but my life has very much proven out over all these years. My relationships are so healthy now because I do that, and because I never trade on myself. And I want that for my daughters and my son. I want that for my husband. And so we learn as a family that, you know, you might sometimes get your feelings hurt by me, but trust that I'm doing what I know is best in my gut. And I also trust you to do the same for yourself. And it's it's a shift for many of us.

Marla Miller 30:21

Yeah, I think that is so important. And the person who really emphasizes that is Abraham Hicks.

Meghann Dawson 30:30

Yeah, I love that.

Marla Miller 30:32

But to be selfish, to go toward the thing that brings you the most joy or what really resonates with you.

Meghann Dawson 30:41

Yeah.

Marla Miller 30:42

And remove those feelings like the guilt, the feeling you should be doing for others first. And ultimately, I find it easier, I would say, in a sense, to be around someone that is very set in their own happiness and making choices. And then I trust what they're telling me. Like if they're saying yes to something and they fully mean it, that's a different feeling than being around someone who's like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll rearrange my schedule and I'll do this, you know, with you or for you. You can sense that energy. It's very different. And I'd rather do something on my own than be with someone who has put aside, you know, their own happiness, I guess. That's right.

Meghann Dawson 31:28

That's right. I don't want resentment in my life.

Marla Miller 31:31

Yeah, yeah.

Meghann Dawson 31:32

Yeah, that even my husband. So I am remarried and I have a wonderful partnership. And in my whole life, he's the only healthy relationship I've ever had. And we celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. You know, he came on the heels of me doing this work and truly learning to love myself first. He had gone through his own journey very similar, and he was at a place where he loved himself. And so when we came together, blended our families, and even in our wedding vows, uh, we say that essentially, above all else, we support each other's personal journey. I support his soul taking it where he needs to take him. He supports the same for me, recognizing that that might lead us apart someday. I don't know, but we are at peace with that because we know that above all else, that's what's most important. And we don't want to resent each other. So we didn't promise forever. We promised to try our best of each brand new day, and that's the best we could do.

Marla Miller 32:31

Yeah, I love that. That's amazing. Yeah, it shows where you're at by what you draw in. So when you really needed to do that work, you had the first husband, and now with the second one, you're at this wonderful new place, really living an authentic life. And you drew in the same. So that's fantastic.

Meghann Dawson 32:54

Yeah.

Marla Miller 32:55

Yeah. And to teach your children that as well, I think is that feels good.

Meghann Dawson 33:00

That feels so good. You know, I have a daughter, so our oldest is already in college. Our middle is heading to college this summer. And you know, lately I feel like the thing I say most to her, because she's coming with lots of questions about life, lots of big decisions. And I now just basically keep saying to her, Well, what is your body telling you? What is your body telling you? And her body tells her things that I wouldn't have told her, you know, but I don't live in her body. I don't have her life experiences. And so I just know that I what I want for her the most is a relationship with her inner self. I want her to love herself so deeply that there's nothing that that little inner voice is going to say someday that she's gonna feel scared to follow in the fear of disappointing others. Like to me, that if I can leave her with that, then I feel like I've done my job.

Marla Miller 33:53

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, to trust the inner voice and to not be so full of fear. That's how I look at it too. Like if something is causing you fear, yeah, fear, whatever it is, of a situation of abuse or just of money troubles or whatever it is, you're not in that, you know, you're in that resistant mode, not the peace and contentment, yeah, life you're looking for. But when you listen to your inner voice, like you said, that is always accurate, I have found as well.

Meghann Dawson 34:29

Yeah, yeah, it is.

Marla Miller 34:30

You know, I've seen other people struggle with it, like they have the answer. I hear them say the answer, but then they doubt it and they toil over it, and and later it comes back like, yes, that was accurate. Yes, yes.

Meghann Dawson 34:46

What happens is it's like you start getting like again, like I'm a big data pattern recognizer. That's just how my brain works. And as you live this work, you then start seeing proof of it never being wrong. But then some of the things were crazy. Some of the things like a year ago, I did walk away from a big corporate paycheck to launch my own business way earlier than I had ever planned, in the middle of sending three kids to college. It didn't make sense on paper, but I was ignoring that inner voice for a little while, even though I knew it to be true. And my health started tanking again. I was crying at the gym. I was doing the things that happen when I ignore it. And I just know better. And so we took the leap as a family, and it's been so neat to see the proof of it coming together. I finished my first book. I have a memoir coming out later this year, and then a really cool full circle moment. A month before my book comes out, as the universe aligned, I get to go spend a week in the desert with Martha Beck, who was the inspiration for my tattoo 12 years ago. And so I get to actually hand her a pre-copy of the book and I get to thank her for that and tell her she has a story about her in that book. And I get to spend time with her right before it launches. I just can't believe that that's not some intricate, interwoven thing that's proof that following your inner voice lines things up in your life in a way that is meant to be. That's what it feels like.

Marla Miller 36:19

That's a fantastic example of it. Everything you just said. That's amazing.

Meghann Dawson 36:24

It's amazing.

Marla Miller 36:25

Yeah, and I think that is the thing. You have to learn to trust the universe. And I guess that comes from experience, from it does seeing it happen. But having that faith. I mean, that is faith, taking the leap before you see the evidence. But that's how you see the evidence by taking that leap.

Meghann Dawson 36:45

Yes, that's exactly right. And I find the people that need to take the leap are the people listening that maybe haven't gotten that proof yet. You know, I would wonder how fulfilled their life feels, how energized and excited they feel for their life, um, how confident they are in themselves. Do they love themselves truly when they really think about it? You know, and it's it's as you check in with yourself, if you don't have a strong yes for those things, I just would invite people to try some of this as a little bit of a different because what do you have to lose? To, you know, if you're already feeling so stuck in negative, what do you have to lose to take some of these weeds and start building that proof?

Marla Miller 37:29

Well, that's been my sort of mantra to myself. If I'm not happy in a situation, and then I'll say, Well, I know what this looks like already. You know, like if I continue down this path, I already see what it looks like, I know what it feels like.

Meghann Dawson 37:43

Yeah.

Marla Miller 37:44

And if it's not good, I'm like, I don't know what the opposite of this will look like, or if I take this chance, yeah. But it's not gonna be this mundane continuation of something that I don't want.

Meghann Dawson 37:58

Yeah.

Marla Miller 37:58

And so sometimes that's enough to make me just take the leap.

Meghann Dawson 38:02

That's right. That's right. And sometimes we're not ready for the big leap. And I mentioned with my job, I think it's a good example of even though I, you know, I preach this stuff I believe so deeply, I have the proof. When it's big stuff, especially stuff that's gonna potentially burden the financial well-being of my family, I don't take that lightly. And so I did ignore that for a little while. And I tried to get baby steps, you know, I tried to speak my truth to my boss. I tried to not take work so seriously. I tried the things, you know. But for me, when that inner voice keeps getting louder and louder, telling me, no, you are meant for more, you are meant to leave this job. It gets clearer and clearer. And then I can keep trading on my health. I can keep feeling depressed. Um, but there for me, there's a tipping point. And I think all of us have a different tipping point, dependent on how much proof we have in these realms and how big the stakes are. So it's kind of like start practicing it. I would invite people that are listening, you know, if you are feeling, you know, pretty good in your life, but you're feeling maybe there's some things mismatched, just practicing with some lower stakes things is enough to kind of get the proof starting to kind of unravel. So it doesn't have to be that big, massive thing right out of the gate.

Marla Miller 39:26

Yeah. And I think another thing is to journal, because if you journal the synchronicities or just things that seem magical or mystical, they can be small things. They don't have to be massive things, but then you have a whole journal to look back on for proof down the road, you know, and that encourages you further. Because you otherwise you tend to forget all these really amazing things that happen.

Meghann Dawson 39:52

Yeah. And I love to keep it simple with some of my journals for stuff like this. Like I have a journal. Um, you know, I just have it in my notes in my phone. And it's just, and it's titled like um, you know, Hugs from the Universe. And when I have these little synchronistic little things, like I mean, the Martha Beck thing was a huge one, you know, like it was just like wow. And the way that all kind of wove together, it gets giving me goosebumps just thinking about it, you know? Yeah. Um, but there's lots of those stories. I have tons of those stories of things I've manifested, of things that the universe has risen up to show me. And I jot those down. And it's just it's breathtaking to see the way I feel like very much synergized with the universe.

Marla Miller 40:37

It's fascinating. I know. I like to remind myself of that, like how I have been carried this long in my life, you know, but I've always been taken care of in a variety of ways that I wouldn't have foreseen. So it's like I'm sure it'll continue if I have that same faith going forward.

Meghann Dawson 41:01

That makes sense. I love that mindset. It's like you've been 100% successful up till today in being you. Yeah. Right? You know, you've made it today. So it's like that's like you have a lot of proof right there.

Marla Miller 41:12

Yeah. Well, I'd like to ask three questions of people that have been through tough times and come out the other end. So when you were going through the realization that you had these things to work through and you wanted to be more authentic, what was the biggest obstacle?

Meghann Dawson 41:35

The biggest obstacle was um letting other people weigh in. So trying to do something mutual with my ex-husband and trying to convince him and continuing then to override my inner voice. And even people that loved me most, people didn't live my life. I think that's part of it is letting people that don't walk in your shoes have a bigger say than you do. You know, and so my mom was one of those people that's so worried about me financially, both leaving my husband and now leaving my job a year ago. Like a lot of times I feel like it's been financial stakes and people in my life worry about that and try to convince me otherwise. And so I think that's probably the biggest is trusting other people that haven't walked in my shoes to make the decisions for my life.

Marla Miller 42:26

Yeah. Well, and what was the biggest lesson you learned along the way?

Meghann Dawson 42:32

The lesson was that my inner voice, once you hear it and once you start practicing this, it does not go away. If you keep staying on a path that you're not meant to be walking, it gets louder and louder and louder. And for me, that led to both times with jobs and with my marriage, it led to health stuff. Both times it led to very random head injuries, which are those are stories in and of themselves. But essentially, I think it's Maya Angelo that talks about that the universe speaks in whispers and it gets louder and louder. You know, and then I think Oprah adds until it hits you over the head. I physically had that hit me over the head in very random ways as I ignored it and I let other people tell me what to do. And so the sooner you listen, the easier it's gonna flow. If you fight against it, it life gets harder. And it's gonna keep getting harder until you listen to it. So you might as well just listen.

Marla Miller 43:30

Yeah. What was one of those instances?

Meghann Dawson 43:33

Yeah, one of those instances was me um running ragged, running a conference, and my my health had been tanking, my appendix burst. Like it was just like a lot of negative, and I loved this job. This was this was a couple years back. This was not the most recent. This was a job I loved and I was happy in. But the gut was telling me you need to leave. And it didn't make any sense to me, you know? But work just was getting so busy, and I was. Just running ragged, and I ran this massive conference where you'd have a few hundred people on a college campus every summer for two and a half weeks straight. And I was the director. I ran that whole program and I would speak at it and I would facilitate, and I was just running, running, running. And I actually ended up falling twice this day. One one was I slipped on a manhole cover and I hit the back of my head. And I tried to hurry up because I was embarrassed. So instead of protecting myself, I worried about everybody else. And then, like 10 minutes later, still rushing, I went into the cafeteria and somebody had spilled water. And I had a very severe fall. And I mean, you that my head cracked against the wall and they had to rush me to the hospital. And then I couldn't even finish that conference. You know, I could. It's like then I had a very severe concussion. And I had known for months, I had known for months that I I needed to leave. Um, and for me, that was the that was the final wake-up call uh to actually make that happen a few months later, to start looking for a job and actually move on.

Marla Miller 45:05

Yeah, I know.

Meghann Dawson 45:07

Yeah, it's wild, it's wild, but it that is what happened.

Marla Miller 45:11

I know someone who they want something like that to happen so they don't have to feel like they're making that choice, even though they know that's what they need to do.

Meghann Dawson 45:21

Yeah.

Marla Miller 45:21

But it's much better if you can do it on your own ahead of time.

Meghann Dawson 45:25

Yeah, yeah. And the other one, you know, the other one was actually during an affair, and it was uh what I like to tell over cocktails because it's a little bit of a steamy PG 13 kind of story. But um, I was in that space just like you described with your friend, where I was getting more reckless in my life. I was taking my wedding ring off. Like I kept feeling like I was being held hostage and that it was for somebody else to decide. And so I was outwardly a train wreck, just wanting somebody to save me. And instead, my life just kept getting harder. Nobody came to save me. I I did have to eventually step up and and make that change myself.

Marla Miller 46:03

Yeah, yeah. Well, the other question I like to ask is what was the kindest thing someone did for you during that time?

Meghann Dawson 46:14

Simply hold space. Simply the friend I talk about my friend Lynn a lot, my friend Courtney. They were my two closest friends back then when I was going through the marriage stuff and making my own mistakes, you know. I was making out with people. I fell in love. I, you know, I had all these guy stories, and they were a place of no judgment for me. They weren't condoning me, they were holding space for me to walk through what I needed to to get the courage in my gut. And so that to me is the kindest thing we could do for anybody. I think we judge ourselves harshest, harshly enough that we don't need judgment from other people. We know it, we know the mistakes we make, we know we're not perfect, and we are gonna beat ourselves up way more than you're ever gonna beat me up. So to find people in your life that can just let you be, regardless of whether or not they agree with your life decisions, doesn't matter. And I think that's the kindest thing we can do for each other.

Marla Miller 47:16

That's very true. People do beat themselves up the most out of anyone.

Meghann Dawson 47:21

Yeah, yeah.

Marla Miller 47:21

And also people on the outside can't push someone. Yeah, like you said earlier, sooner than you're ready, or you you know you're getting there, but it may not be in the perfect timing or the quickest timing, but yeah, it's your timing.

Meghann Dawson 47:38

It's your timing, and your timing is little by little in many times in many ways. It's little by little. It's it's years in the making in many ways for some of these bigger life things. Um that's okay. That's okay. Your timing is perfectly right for you.

Marla Miller 47:52

Yeah. Well, I love how at the end you talk about, you know, once you realize kind of the patterns in your life or maybe the trauma that formed those decisions, and then you work through it, whether through you know, a therapist or then you find other ways to release it from your body through there's so many out there, right? Somatic breath work or all different ways. But then once you get to yourself in that place of whether you call it a flow state or you know, living authentically. I love how you then say, then you almost feel compelled or can't help but pass it, pass it along, pay it forward.

Meghann Dawson 48:38

Yeah.

Marla Miller 48:39

And sort of spread the way you were able to come to this place with others so they can do the same. So I think that's amazing.

Meghann Dawson 48:49

Yeah, and it's neat because it really feels organic. It doesn't feel like heavy work to me. I am asked regularly from a stranger sitting next to me on a plane, sometimes a person on an elevator. You know, I feel like there's just something about my energy that people now sense and they'll ask about it. And so it's like just having a willingness to share if I feel like I'm able to in that moment. And some ways you're passing it on a little bit, but now over all these years, coming on a podcast and talking about all of these things in a way that old me could not imagine. Yeah, so openly sharing of my stories in a way that I now think helps people. You know, it's it's kind of a crazy, powerful, full circle moment when you grew up not loving yourself, but then loves yourself so much that you can't wait to share your secret with the world. And then that returns back to you. It becomes like a very powerful cycle of proof, of proof that living authentically is the most powerful thing that we can do, and supporting the people we love to do the same. Like to me, I feel like that's really what we're all meant to get to in life.

Marla Miller 50:04

I agree. And yeah, the timing is perfect. We all need that right now. So yeah, to live from our core, you know, core selves, the love that we came from originally. And yeah, yeah, live an authentic life.

Meghann Dawson 50:21

Live an authentic life. And I've come to believe that, you know, so most of the people that I talk to, I do a lot of um now speaking podcasts, I have the book coming out. Most of the people that resonate with my work are women, but there are a few men, and I feel like the few men in my life that are really inspired by this work are men that are willing to invest in their feminine part of themselves. Because I very much believe that we are meant to embody both and that we've been raised in a world where we've been taught that masculine is the right way. And so I feel like we are at this moment in time right now where we're realizing that did not get us in many ways into a very good place around our world by being solely one way. And so I feel like the world is kind of waking up to the realization that wait a second, these things about the feminine that have been deemed crazy, the things that maybe are a little bit more mystical, or the things that are, you know, maybe viewed as more sensitive. We're realizing that we need those equally. And I think we're we're gonna see a rebirth of that, and it's gonna be powerful because that balance has been missing, in my opinion.

Marla Miller 51:44

Yeah, and it's not one or the other, it's both. But the problem has been the scale has been so tipped in one direction.

Meghann Dawson 51:52

Yes. And so it's not saying that feminine needs to take over everything. No, we just need to bring back some balance. That's all, you know, because both are equally important.

Marla Miller 52:00

Yeah. Well, what is the name of your book? And also where can people find you in your company?

Meghann Dawson 52:08

So the book is Becoming Is Messy, which is also the name of my podcast. So I host my own podcast, and that's also called Becoming Is Messy. And you can find me at the unperfectlife.com is my website. And I'm also over on Substack, which I am newer to and just loving. So for folks that are maybe a little tired of social media, I feel like Substack is like breathing fresh air, so much good creativity and positive conversation. Uh, so that's really where I've been spending a little bit more of my social media time. And it's you can find me with either my name, Megan Dawson, or the Unperfect Life. Uh, both of those can reach me.

Marla Miller 52:49

Yeah, perfect. So, is there any last thing you would like to say to people about living an authentic life or about going past the trauma, not like you forget it, but yeah, learning to, I guess, incorporate it in a different way into your life.

Meghann Dawson 53:07

Yeah, like I love the idea of the unperfect life philosophy. And so the unperfect life is a made-up word. There's not a real word that's unperfect, but unperfect life philosophy is essentially each of us defining success on our own terms. And so I would just invite listeners to take some assessments of where you are in your life and define success on those different areas. You know, take a look at your friend group, take a look at your work situation, your marriage, your relationship with your kids. Are all of them embodying what you feel is success for what you want for all of those things? And if not, then think about that in the ways we talked about today, in a way of non-judgment, in a way that gets you to stillness to hear that inner voice, to help you start creating a vision of perfect for you as an individual. To me, that's how you build an unperfect life.

Marla Miller 54:03

That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing your own personal stories as well as this framework you developed to help people move them forward and fully living a life that's authentic to them.

Meghann Dawson 54:18

You're welcome. And thank you so much for having me on. I loved our conversation.